Valuing Women in Our Communities

Oh boy, you’ve opened a can of worms. Don’t get me started…

I think the most frustrating part of lack of respect to women in churches is that, like in any dysfunctional relationships, the “victims” are contributing to the dysfunction as much as the “abusers”. Those are tough words, but you know what I mean. The women are accepting the disrespect, living within it, and in time, accepting it as right. I’m not a feminist (I don’t think), but you don’t have to be to see women being squashed in churches.

Let me give you an example that still makes me hot around the collar when I think of it. I was talking to a pastor a few years ago, and he was wondering which of his grandsons was going to become a Greek or Hebrew scholar. I said, “What about your granddaughter?” because I knew he had one. He just stared at me blankly. It was the Christmas season and a few days later we attended his special Christmas Eve service where he deliberately asked all three of his sons to read Scriptures along with other men of the congregation, but not one woman, not even his wife or only daughter, did he ask. Where in Scripture does it say that women are not allowed to read Scripture in services, or become Bible scholars? This sort of I-don’t-even-have-a-word-for-it-that’s-appropriate behaviour hurts. It gives me a lumpy feeling under my collarbone and makes my face hot. This is not reflecting God’s character in any way, and I ache to think of his wife, who graduated with a music major, unable to lead the congregation in singing because of her husband’s beliefs that it is unBiblical (what?!?), while she has to listen to his tone-deaf voice leading the songs. How full of shame must she be after all these years? She never speaks of herself, I noticed. She has completely bottled herself up. Why did she accept this untrue picture of herself as unworthy?

I could go on, but I said, don’t get me started. Over and over, I see examples like this in churches. I’ve faced these sorts of beliefs directed towards me, too, and it’s hard to know how to respond, how to stop the disrespect without becoming disrespectful myself. It’s always a challenge.

Perhaps that’s not the subject you were trying to start, I don’t know. You obviously hit a sensitive spot with me. I’ll be checking back to see other’s thoughts on the subject too.

Hey- I really appreciate both of your comments. I think you have both hit on something we need to examine in the church and see if our theology embodies itself in Christ-like ways.

Thanks. I hope to hear more thoughts.

Sara

I’m heading to bed after a long day but I want to keep track of this one and hopefully comment tomorrow. Hope you have a great Friday!

Reading thinks’s comment, I have it easy. A member of the Methodist Church in the UK, I trained as a Local Preacher well before my husband, and I could go for ordination if I felt that was God’s call on my life. I’m just getting back into leading worship and preaching having not done much whilst the kids were small. I’ve found it really enriching - its something that keeps me on my toes theologically and spiritually.

A couple of books I’m have but am waiting to read are ‘When Life and beliefs collide’ Carolyn Custis James, about women doing theology, and ‘Beyond Sex Roles’ Gilbert Bilezikian, subtitles What the Bible Says About a Woman’s Place in Church and Family. Both come on good recommendations.

My personal favorite was the church I once visited with friends which had a blurb in the bulletain advertising a meeting which would be “a time of fellowship for the leaders’ wives.”

Grrr.

I feel lucky; most of the important men in my life have been encouraging, empowering, and supportive. I haven’t been down-trodden much– and by the time I met those who would try I’d learned enough from my dad and from Dorothy Parker to handle them. But it seems that even in our cheerful and egalitarian Vox community there are some currents below the surface…

I’m sorry for you experiences, Think. Why do you say “I’m not a feminist?” I’ve heard that so often. People start off sentences with “I’m not like a feminazi or anything, but…” When did ‘feminist’ become a dirty word? When did feminism become militant and anti-men? If you look at the basic tenets of the original feminist movement: the rights of women to vote, to own property, to be paid the same wages as men and not have to put up with disrespect in the workplace, to seek protection from abusive husbands, I think that most modern women– and most modern men, for that matter– would qualify as feminists.

I am a feminist. I don’t hate men or want to run them down or emasculate them. I’m not pro-choice. But I do believe women should be respected and their gifts and talents utilized in the church and in society.

Women have a lot to contribute. Most of the women I know are smart, tender, and strong. Most of the churches I’ve come across could stand to be a little smarter, more tender, and more strong.

regarding women on things like youtube and myspace… to be blunt, i don’t think it’s so much that women are being valued or respected on those sites as it’s a bunch of overly voyeuristic male geeks driving the hits up.

… and maybe if men were more ‘men’ (as they were intended to be), women would be more valued as who they are…? just a thought.

Lon is sooo right about myspace! But if the girls on there aren’t respected or valued, I have to say (unfortunately) it is on them, for letting the creeps in! You have got to be careful with such sites! I have a myspace, but I am very careful, therefore, no disrespect! Sure men should be more respectful, but why should they be, if it isn’t required of them? Unfortunately, these day’s, respect just isn’t required as much as it was 20-30 years ago! Sad but true, right Parke?

By the way, Parke, I have been reading your stuff awhile, but haven’t commented till now! You alway’s have something good to read, and food for thought!