A response to this.
Dear Josh,
It’s never easy when someone choses not to stay in our faith community and even less so when the person is someone we’ve grown to or are growing to love. I’ve experienced in a few places in a few states now and I’m sorry to hear you’re going through it. I can never empathize enough online and I’m afraid I can’t be an encouraging friend where you’re at. I hope God is that for you as God has to be for so many of my other hurting friends who I live apart from.
I guess I wonder if respect is even part of this kind of stuff. Throughout most of my life, the word respect has been a cold and distant step-child of love once-removed from hate.
Maybe that’s the silver lining on Saint’s admittedly quick statements. We’re in this painful struggle to love the people who hurt us and I don’t know if respect is our final destination. I do know that a simple respect for the choices of those who have hurt me and my family is short of where God is calling me, even as I get ready to write a letter of apology to one of those people this week. Perhaps its more a rest stop along the way towards healing.
If that’s the case then I think respect can come because this person is made by God and respect for God can come because we see the beauty He has made. Like you so rightly point out, it’s not a full understanding. I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand my friends’ choices that much. After all, for me to leave would be to leave family. It’s unthinkable unless God asks it.
So as I sit down to apologize for my errors to a person that has hurt me, I hope that God continues to show you how to respond in these cases, even if it’s just something like waiting on God. I wish it didn’t involve the back-biting and hate you’re experiencing. I know it pains God. Do let us know how we can be praying and we’ll be here to listen.
4 comments
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Wednesday September.20.2006 at 11:35 pm PDT
anorton
Feel for you mate
Is this some of the stuff you mentioned you were working through a couple of weeks ago?
It’s hard
If this is what it sounds like, the process of leaving a church, I’ve written a paper on “how to leave a church without losing faith” if you are interested and it was of help to anyone I’ll email it to you.
Praying for you
Blessings
Andrew
Thursday September.21.2006 at 8:13 am PDT
parke
Thanks for the kind words. It’s not quite that kind of situation, but I appreciate the thoughts.
Thursday September.21.2006 at 8:23 am PDT
J3
anorton-I’d like to see it- jds_3@hotmail.com
Thursday September.21.2006 at 12:16 pm PDT
joshallan
hey parke, thanks so much for your thoughtful response. it’s interesting to me how many feelings and reactions situations like this spur in people — i mostly just told my story because i needed a background for how to get to my philosophical “respect” question, but it’s turned into something quite different. ;-) in fact, i don’t think i would’ve brought up respect as an issue if my friend hadn’t made that statement himself — i agree (with what i think you’re saying) that love is the much more ultimate goal.
it’s no secret to any of us that these situations are tough and damaging, and it pains me perhaps more than anything else that the majority of the hurt always comes from other people that would call themselves jesus-followers, too. everything is just so terribly broken, it just makes me long for something better. maybe that’s what heaven is.