Saying goodbye…

It’s one of the hardest parts of my week. Each weekend, I pull up to the shelter and my friend and I spend the last few minutes of our conversation saying as many encouraging things as I can. Meanwhile, my heart is breaking… again.

I’ve spent many days in the past few years trying to help friends in need. Some are clearly in physical or emotional need. Some have needs that are hidden a bit deeper. Sometimes my efforts are well-appreciated. Sometimes outsiders seem quick to judge what they perceive as my lack of truly caring.

My friend is a special case. I’ve walked a long ways with him and he’s taught me things even in the midst of his struggles. Many nights I want to skip all the red tape and let my friend crash on the futon in my living room. A softer bed, a bit more freedom and a stress-free environment–these golden things I so often take for granted–they are denied him regularly. And when it’s all written out on paper, it’s clear I can’t change that right now.

But every weekend we sit facing each other, pouring over classifieds, worries, want ads and questions about God. And on those days I try to do the impossible, praying all the while. At each corner, we face the problems together and it seems we barely keep pace.

This past week I sat with another friend and I realized just how hard this has been personally. It’s like seeing my brother in pain and being unable to end it. It’s a regular, emotional struggle that I keep giving to God in prayer.

Some days that encourages me.

Some days I’m desperate for it to end for both of us.